I haven’t been around much lately.

The image above explains everything. ’nuff said.

If you’re Danish, does that automatically mean you are supporting the Mohammed-drawings, and hate Islam? If you’re American, do you necessarily like George W. Bush? If you’re Japanese, do you have to be a Xenophobe? No.

In my utopia, you can follow any belief, any political orientation, any religion, without being attacked, without being excluded, without being judged differently – if anything, you would be judged on your actions and opinions. Not your religion.

In my utopia, all species are equal – thereby obviously follows that all races/ethnicities are equal as well.
Eating meat from cows or pigs will be looked upon with as much contempt as eating human flesh is today.
Animals will neither be kept, nor exploited – rather humans and other animals live in such a harmony that one is never in any way controlled by another, be it human or animal.
Following this, there will be no milk-, egg- or honey-industry – and no pets.
If you are fond of animals, they will live as your friend, your equal, just like some people keep a cat today.

In my utopia, the same life is available whether you are born male or female. You are very free to identify yourself with one or the other if you want, but there will not be anyone – save yourself – to decide which it shall be.
Your identified gender does not have to be the same as your biological.

In my utopia, you can choose to not wear any clothes whenever you want.
Breasts will not be mystified, but instead it will be very natural to not cover your torso – whether you are male or female, this will be thought of as nothing more than it is for a male person to not wear a shirt, today.

In my utopia, proper healthcare is paid by the government – as is public transportation, and access to the Internet.
Everyone is elligible for any support they need, and it doesn’t matter if you live in the country or not. If you need help, you will be helped in the best way possible.

In my utopia, everything is produced with energy efficiency and environmental friendliness in mind.
All food products are organic and vegan, and all music, books and video games are digital and free – so is software.

In my utopia … we all live in my utopia.

First, it’s Summer Solstice, a great reason to celebrate, at least for us Nordic people. This means quite a few invitations, including one for my own family’s yearly reunion – which I’ll be skipping this year, for the first time ever.

Second, there’s a demonstration against racism in our city today. I’ve been wanting to go there, but I chose not to, for a variety of reasons that I won’t discuss here. But let me say that when they walked past my window, I was quite sad not to be there, shouting with them ‘No racism in our streets’.

Third, a friend of mine graduated yesterday, and she’s having people (including me) over today for celebration. So this is where I’ll be going this year, on this day of burning witches.

Solstice is also a game for the NES.

This is beginning to bore me.

Mind your own business. And please, stop blaming me for every little thing. I don’t want to be too helpful, as most of what ever seems to come out of it is ungratefulness anyway. Apparently taking responsibility for my own actions isn’t enough. I’m tired of taking the blame for so much out of my reach, so much that I’ve had nothing to say in, nothing to do with. Just stop it.

I wanted to go to Iceland so badly a few days ago; couldn’t because it was my birthday yesterday, and I don’t want to worry my family. Nothing keeps me from going now, I guess.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. This isn’t binary, it’s life! (And I should be the one to say that?) – I wonder if being all alone is better in the long run? After all, you avoid “the giving and receiving of irritation that results from social interaction”.

… But I don’t see why everything has to be made as complex as it does. It’s really quite simple. Yet no-one (including me) seem to have the slightest clue what they want.

It was my birthday yesterday. And I can’t even be upset, because no-one did anything wrong. Thank Christ. Well, that’s not entirely true … although I didn’t let anything ruin the day.

It was actually quite nice; had some close family over for dinner, got a Wiimote and too much money. The night was somewhat problematic, but not too bad altogether. After all, sharing deep thoughts and meaningful opinions can be very interesting and intimate.

… I don’t want to be left alone for someone temporarily better than me.

Actually, writing this was just what I needed. I feel quite well now. And as always, take these rants with a grain of salt.

Or a grin of salt, if you’re so inclined ;)

I actually wanted to write a lot more than this, but it needs to be readable too. I’ll get around to that in some other entry.

Don’t know what I’m feeling for anyone. Don’t know if I ever did know. I can’t tell if I’m in love with someone or I hate the sight of them. But … I’ve been experiencing a growing number of ‘crushes’ lately, and they all come out … well, exactly as expected; not at all.

First a girl from school who I actually think had something for me at some point. I turned down an offer of a walk … to go talk with my ex about an, uhm … rather unpleasant (for me) surprise. Blew my chance, I suppose

Then a girl I haven’t met. I don’t know if that could literally be called anything but mere interest, but … Well, I can talk about anything in the world with most people. Anything that doesn’t require me asking anyone to be ‘more than friends’.

I met another girl at a course. Interesting, seemingly quiet girl who (I might be wrong) showed a tiny bit of interest in me. If nothing else, friendship would(‘ve) be(en) interesting.

Then yet another at some small concert-esque thing. I felt it click almost instantly, and to be quite honest, I knew her prior to that evening. Even had a crush on her back then … Talked for ages, but never got around to asking anything. No phone number or email or anything … Left with a hug.

I fail miserably.

But, it’s not all bad. In fact, I saved the good stuff for last (just like me to make the end seem nice, huh? :) – A movie and an indie rock album release party without match.

The movie is ‘La Science des Rêves’ (The Science of Sleep). I’ve never seen so much randomness and creativity in a movie, let alone an indie one. Go. See. This. Now.

Release Party was for Sparkplug‘s second album, Dharma Punks. I know the band members, which obviously makes it that more interesting. Also, going to the party meant seeing a few faces from the time I lived there. Even met a girl I met back in kindergarten, and had a truly great talk with her. Should’ve asked for her number, I suppose.

Anyway, the concertishreleasepartythingie was truly brilliant. Even had us, the crowd, sing a song I’m taking the liberty of writing here, in Danish;

Det’ sandt!
De onde lo og vandt!
Nu får vi 28 etager i glas!
Og så’ der ikke længere plads …
Til freaks som os og folk der ryger hash!

I love indie.

At some point, I figured “hey, I’m in Århus! Might as well visit one of my friends who lives here”. So I text messaged her, and after a few hours, I went to her place to eat dinner with her and her (Bristolian =) boyfriend. More free food (wok noodle spicy thing), oh joy!

They’re some very nice people (there’s only a few of those on this planet, apparently) … Anyway, we stayed up late playing Super Smash Bros. Melee (with two proper and a third-party joypad), it became a Link vs Zelda vs Ganondorf franchise-fest (a girl who’s actually good at a game? What a rarity! =)!

About midnight, it was time to say goodbye; I had to catch a train home. Only when I got to the train station, I found out the train had been cancelled, and the next train would leave in about … two hours!

I didn’t let that get me down though, so I went to the shopping streets of the city (this was after midnight, mind you) to try and enjoy myself with the “Århus Festive Week” (Århus Festuge). Lots and lots and lots of people were drinking, listening to music, walking, talking, dancing and running. And I mean LOTS!

After a while, I found a nice café serving tea, and sat by the small river looking at this nice-smelling youth I’m not a part of. It was very joyful, I just sat there smiling for twenty minutes, thinking to myself how I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.

When I’d finished my tea, I went about the city for a stroll through some of the areas playing music. I’m not sure, but I think I saw Sanne Salomonsen somewhere. Anyway, It was time to head for the train station again.

As I walked through the crowd, I tried to get (and keep) eye-contact with as many people as possible. I find it quite amusing to see people turn their eyes away, perhaps because of fear that you can see into their mind through their eyes. A few people didn’t look away though, but rather smiled or waved or said hi. How nice.

At the train station, I walked around reading a magazine; there wasn’t much else to do. Odd thing is, though, that I met a friend of a friend from where I live. Certainly wasn’t prepared for that, but we said our “hi” anyway.

Also met a guy I was friends with in elementary. He’s become quite the player now, but we still had our 15 minute talk.

When I got to Fredericia, I had to find some way of getting home. As there were no buses at this time of night, I ended up taking a taxi for all but 4 kr. of my remaining money, and there’s three weeks left of this month. Oh well.

I slept for 12 nice hours last night.

Friday

Activity day at school. I got up a bit late, but still in time to print some flyers due two days earlier. The actual activity stuff was quite calm; our group had some kind of blindfolded/tied football, and apart from me suddenly having to tell every single person on two ten-man teams what the rules were, it was somewhat relaxing.

I took a short break after this to “have a look” at another group’s hookah, but apparently they were out of tobacco. Pity. Also had a small seizure where everything went black and I started spinning, but nothing to talk of, really.

Later that day, I went to a friend’s place to pick him up; we were destined for an island which, if translated directly, would be called “long land” or “long country” or something similar. In Danish, it’s called “Langeland”. We also went past strange towns with such names as “Bøsøre”, “Tietgenbyen” and “Snøde udflytter”.

We got there safely, but had to pick up another friend first; she was the one we were visiting. As we met her at the train station, the two friends of mine sort of melted into one big kiss (they’re in a relationship with each other). As we went for the car, both males of us apparently had our hands around her shoulders (this was somewhat weird for me, as I am not even used to this kind of “looseness”, if one could call it so).

But, lo and behold, it was quite clear they were happy to see each other; the kissing continued all the time till we hit bed that night.
Friday night

I had a very interesting dream this night. I could write a novel based on this dream, but I’m just going to sum it up here for now (warning! sanity stops here!);

I dreamt someone I knew had been captured by a medusa queen, and was being held prisoner in the open, behind some huge gates locked by magic. Of course, I was the only one around to actually try and help this person. To cut a long story short, I bumped into a boy who had an eagle capable of seeing enemies far away; this I (we?) used to avoid those coming at us from the snow-coated mountains.

We came to speak with an old, good-hearted witch. She was luckily able to break the spell on the magically locked gates, and thus we freed the prisoner; only the medusa queen made water flood the entire place. This wasn’t a problem at first, and we went on running away with the prisoner. This prisoner, however, ran to a nearby shed and brought back snakes with wings for us to fly with.

This turned out to save our lives, since the medusa queen had sent swimming snakes to kill us. So, it all ended with the lot of us clinging on to snakes flying over valleys and mountains.

And if I recall correctly, I actually started this dream believing I was playing Settlers (sanity is restored from this point forward … sort of).

Saturday

Slept for … ages apparently. It was well past midday when I woke up, the others having already showered and eaten breakfast. My friends kissed a lot, too.

I officially have a cat, now. Either that, or the cat has me. In either case, she’s the cutest little 3-weeks-old kitten, white with a dark spot on top her head.

I don’t remember this day very well. I do recall picking up a friend of my friend’s, though. This made the “looseness” seem somewhat extreme to me, as the only female among us was quite careless who she “assaulted”, held hands with or hugged. I actually had to silently express my dislike of “exposing” my friend to this sort of jealousy-provoking activity. Didn’t stop anyone but me, though.

The initial plan of the day was to have a go at role-playing games, but we never came around to that (I blame the tiredness of the four of us).
Saturday evening

We did, however, start walking into the dark, dark woods of this far-away island armed with nothing but a near-dead cellphone and 4 candlelights.

I had a good long chat with one of my friends (since she had finally let go of the others’ hands), but as she was the one holding the light, and both of us were going quite a bit faster than the other two, we suddenly heard someone fall down a hole right behind us; the bottom of the forest has no hospitality whatsoever.

Luckily, he wasn’t harmed, and it wasn’t long till we found a fireplace and started trying to light a fire. I write “trying” because we never really got any wood lit. The candles were fine though, and so were the stars. My god, it’s been a while since I’d seen such a beautiful night sky. Of course, I’m usually never so far away from cities … Remind me of going back on that island and sleeping in a sleeping bag on a field someday!

Saturday night

Again, I had a dream worth writing down, and again, I must warn you of the absense of sanity in the next few paragraphs.

It started at my school, at some sort of reception I think. There was food, and lots of it. Apparently, some teacher had seen herself angry with me, and begun blaming me for everything that was wrong; not enough buckets of ice, missing forks and knives, bad taste of biscuits etc.

She continued to do this throughout the meal, to my increasing annoyance. Then, when we were done eating and everything, I was single-handedly told to do the dishes by her because I had been such a nuisance to her. This started some kind of psychosis in me.

Seriously, I started by jumping up on a table, shouting rude words and damning her to hell, flipping her the bird and such. And I cried loudly while screaming to her to go fuck herself.

I picked up a nearby chair and threw it in her direction, after which I tried to do the same with a table. As far as I remember, plates and knives and forks and spoons flew through the air, too, while fellow classmates and teachers tried to calm me.

After this seizure had calmed down a bit, some kind of trial was held against the teacher in question (why she had accused me of all this negativity), but I didn’t hear much of it because I was hiding below a table, staring intensely at her, still screaming swearwords and throwing smaller things at her.

It should be noted that I don’t actually have a teacher who fits in my dream as the female antagonist, so to speak (sanity can be considered somewhat regained by now).

Sunday

I was awakened very early by unbelievably loud thunder (or so it was at the time), only to fall asleep again, waking up nearly 5 hours later. Yup, I’m a sleeper.

“Going home” was the tag of the day. Most of the afternoon was spent packing, and obviously there were some goodbyes to be said, too. All four of us were in the car though; some going home, others going to Sweden in order to attend school there the next day.

The last 150 kilometres, there were only two of us. Kashmir’s “Prawn’s Blues” playing on CD player + volume up ten notches + car on freeway = win!

At about 9 last night, we arrived at his place. Wasted as we were, Black Books and random satirical newsreaders made our evening. At about half past midnight, I figured I’d better head home; long day tomorrow (school).

Sunday night

I had to pour some gas on my car. Oh great, guess where I forgot my wallet? … About 250 kilometres away. Luckily, my friend could spare me enough to make the ride home.

So this is where I am right now. At home. I can, at most, get four hours’ sleep. But I’m not complaining; 12 seconds would be fine.

And by the way; if you’ve just scrolled to the bottom of this, and your fleeting glimpses of the text above give you some very random impressions, chances are you’ve read a bit of the “dream” part. Or not.

… I have a cat!

The last night I was there, I was brutally awakened from my sleep by a very loud screeching noise. The very very first thought that ran through my head was “I have to tell my friend that everything is alright” … About a fraction of a second later, I realised it was her opening the window that made the horrible screeching sound.

I think this shows that I instinctively care a lot for others. But, enough of my ego-divination!

About a week ago, I “managed” to stay awake for 70 hours! Just couldn’t fall asleep. Most of the time was spent on coding (C/C++ for those interested) and playing Total Annihilation, which by the way is an awesome strategy game. I lost all the time.

After about 60 hours, I started hallucinating, and couldn’t focus. I stumbled around almost dreamishly on the net, trying to find something to kill time. By retracing steps, I came to find that I had apparently downloaded and played the most stoned, weird, non-sensical game ever (at least at the time, I haven’t dared going back): Bananarama! All I remember is something with a monkey, some ladders, some tribespeople, and lots of bananas. Do not try this at home.

Summer holidays are over, and everything is a lot less stressing than it had been the previous two years, bar maths- and physics-handins. Just yesterday, I had to stay up till 1 AM to finish a paper on acceleration, electrical currents etc.

It’s alright though, I’ve only got 28 lessons (this means 21 hours) per week, of which 4 are philosophy. Finally! We’ve just started on Plato’s cavern, but I suspect things will get pretty interesting from there.

To end this entry, I must admit I’ve been a bit jealous lately; no love or anything involved (as far as I know :), just friends hanging out with other friends. Apparently I’m not the guy to handle that just yet.

Oh well, it’s not like I’m sad or anything. Have a nice day, and don’t forget to water your plants!

Not that I haven’t had any ‘interest’ in other people … The affection has just mostly been platonic. Or actually, it has been nothing but platonic except for that one case of falling in love.

This has me thinking ‘am I even able to fall in love?’ … Apparently, most people fall in love quite often. But again, I am not like most people.

Hmm. I guess I’m just picky compared to the average person. If that’s the case, then I think it’s a good ability. Makes for more stable relationships I suppose.

Besides, there’s more to life than love … right?